“Your body was made for this.”

I know this phrase is usually meant to encourage confidence and trust in the body. But intention doesn’t always equal impact.

When birth is hard, complicated, or traumatic, “your body was made for this” can feel like a personal failure, shame when things don’t go as planned, or blame when interventions are needed. And birth is NOT a pass/fail experience.

The human body is not a machine that performs on command. Birth is influenced by many things that we don’t have a lot of control over. Things like your anatomy, hormones, position of the baby, your environment, and access to care. Needing help doesn’t mean your body failed.

If the human body was always “made for this”, there wouldn’t be things like an emergency c-section, pre-eclampsia, hemorrhages, pre-term labour, stillbirths, and other postpartum complications. None of these are caused by a lack of strength or effort. Saying “Your body was made for this,” unintenionally says if you struggle, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough. A pressure like that has no place in the birth or postapartum space.

So then as a doula, what do I say instead?

You deserve support.

Your experience is valid.

Your body is worth of care, no matter how birth unfolds.

Needing help doesn’t mean you failed.

Your body is capable of incredible things. Yes. But your body is also human and both can be true at the same time. My role is not to push a narrative of strength at all costs. My role is to support your autonomy, honour your lived experience, advocate for informed choices, hold space for all outcomes, and walk with you without judgement.

You don’t need to prove anything in birth. You don’t owe anyone a “perfect” experience. You are worthy of respect, support, and compassion.

Always.

*All images are property of The Golden Hour Doula.